Within the opening sequence of the newest big-screen “Robin Hood,” Woman Marian (Eve Hewson, “The Knick”) breaks into Robin’s barn to steal a horse. Rigorously pacing her steps, Marian is roofed in a hood, with a shawl masking half of her face and a gown that covers her up solely — apart from her chest, as a result of a really deep, low-cut entrance that has no function aside from to point out off some cleavage.
However objectifying the one lady within the forged with a talking position isn’t the one crime “Robin Hood” commits. Rife with stereotypes, a horrible script, and odd “300”-esque cinematography that simply doesn’t match, this isn’t solely a movie no one requested for, but in addition one which no one must be pressured to endure.
The story is just not new; it’s primarily the identical one most of us have grown up with, thanks both to the animated Disney movie, the Kevin Costner “Everything I Do” model, or Ridley Scott’s revisionist prequel-like take on the basic story. Robin (Taron Egerton, “Kingsmen: The Golden Circle”) is shipped off to conflict, the place he meets Petit Jean (Jamie Foxx), who’s captured and enslaved in chains on a ship. After Robin tries to save lots of Jean’s son to no avail, Jean seeks his help in getting revenge on the Sheriff of Nottingham (Ben Mendelsohn) by robbing the lawman and the church to offer again to the poor residents.
Reboots and remakes are supposed to introduce a brand new viewers to a basic story with recent concepts and storylines that make the story related to trendy audiences. “Robin Hood” doesn’t even attempt. As an alternative, first-time function writers Ben Chandler and David James Kelly ship a woefully uninspired script, with phrases like “If not you, then who? If not now, then when?” (That’s Marian, channeling Hannah Arendt, to Robin, although she’s been within the entrance strains of their resistance for years whereas he’s a beginner.) This complete script might have come from a Cliff Notes abstract of a novelization based mostly on any of the earlier movies.
I’m unsure how the likes of Egerton, Foxx, Hewson, Mendelsohn and Jamie Dornan (as Will Scarlet) obtained cajoled into making this movie, or what these performers thought they might make of the fabric. Egerton’s allure is ripped away by a personality so uninspired that it’s lacks any of his star-making “Eggsy” allure from the “Kingsmen” collection, whereas Mendelsohn telephones in a repeat efficiency of his roles from “The Last Jedi” and “Ready Player One” (with an extended futuristic trenchcoat, in addition).
Dornan — dismissable as Christian Gray (“50 Shades” franchise) however so implausible as a brooding serial killer within the BBC collection “The Fall” — brings nothing to Sherwood Forest. And poor Hewes finds herself relegated to a task that may be a male fantasy model of an opinionated lady: sensible however muted, with an occasional aspect of boobs.
Foxx will get the worst of it — not solely is he shackled in chains, however he’s additionally pressured to observe his son meet a ugly demise by the hands of an officer. Maybe that is director Otto Bathurst’s try at making a press release concerning the many killings of black boys and males by the hands of regulation enforcement immediately, however the scene comes throughout as tone-deaf and utterly pointless. The films are filled with slave narratives and violence inflicted upon black individuals, and “Robin Hood,” of all movies, by no means earns the suitable to take on this matter, nor ought to it have tried.
The digital results of the motion sequences and the stylized cinematography is perhaps interesting if both drove the story in any respect, however as an alternative, it’s simply an try and modernize the fabric with out connecting the story to the visuals in any respect. We’re left to marvel the place, on this medieval and impoverished metropolis, does Robin get his leather-based bomber jacket? (The movie’s coat recreation continues to distract all through, notably Mendelsohn’s futurist trench, which appears cool however is totally misplaced and absurd, notably when one other character wears it in later scenes.)
“Robin Hood” gained’t steal any hearts, nor ought to it rob you of your worthwhile time when there are such a lot of higher variations to select from.